Where It All Lands by Jennie Wexler

Author:Jennie Wexler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

CHAPTER 16

Stevie

I’m not in an Uber. I’m alone in a bathroom in the student center lobby. It smells like pee and Lysol, and I swear I’m about to be sick. My hands shake as I reread the text I sent to Drew and Shane.

Me

Got in an Uber. Not auditioning. Leave me alone.

A lie.

I turn my phone off. My sax dangles from the red strap hugging my neck. The weight strains my back as I close my eyes. My fingers tap the keys of my sax one by one. I worked too hard for this to walk away now. Tears soak my lashes and seep through my lids, warming my cheeks. A cavalier coin toss, a kid’s game. How could they view me like that? How could they not tell me, after all this time? An audible sob escapes my mouth, echoing against the cement walls. I cup my hand over my face as if I could stuff it back in. My heart pounds as I glance at my phone—only a few more minutes left of my audition slot. I don’t have time to process what this all means, my mind spinning at each possibility. I’m a bet. I’m a joke. I was never in control. They left me up to chance. Like Dad, they puppeteered the strings of my life.

Not this time. No one is messing this up for me. I’m not a chance. I’m someone worth fighting for. I am in control and I am auditioning. I breathe in deep to quiet my pounding heart. I lied so they wouldn’t wait for me, so they would leave this building, so I could concentrate without the two of them lurking outside the audition room. My tears dry on my cheeks as I smooth down my shirt. When I open the door to the bathroom, I peek around the corner to make sure the hallway is empty. Once I’m upstairs, more tension releases from my shoulders as I confirm Drew and Shane are nowhere in sight. I snatch the sheet music off the chair and head into the audition room. The judges look at me with concern, but I calmly adjust the music stand, arranging my papers in order.

“I’m ready,” I say with conviction. The judges nod in unison and my fingers hover over the keys. My mind flips from Drew to Shane one last time. Maybe it wasn’t a game. Maybe everything was as real as it felt. Despite what I learned, I care about them both, I know I do. I also know who I would choose if I had to pick. But now I’m unsure if I ever really knew either of them. I’m unsure if I want to choose. But when you fall for someone is it ever really a choice?

And then I shut it all off. I am in control here, not Drew, not Shane—me. And I am going to kill this audition. The reed vibrates against my tongue as I push out the first note of “Born to Run,” brassy and unapologetic.

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